Nine months of sickness. (a story of surviving hyperemesis)

When the pregnancy-world seems to be filled with congratulations cards, celebratory baby showers, and adorable new baby gifts, it can feel very isolating to not enjoy carrying your own beloved baby. When I carried my first child, I vomited almost everyday — if I woke up too fast, if I brushed my teeth, if I ate a full apple, if I swallowed a prenatal vitamin, if I did seemingly anything other than sleep. My team of midwives, though compassionate and reassuring in their own ways, never acknowledged that this was unusually hard nor offered to prescribe any anti-nausea medication. I was told morning sickness was normal and would end.

During my second pregnancy, I found myself in a (different) medical office after vomiting daily for two weeks, and I was told, “You are not the most dehydrated I have ever seen.” In tears, I was prescribed two very expensive anti-nausea drugs.

It is one thing to be sick for nine months hoping it will resolve any day — it was another  to know I was about to be plunged into sickness for nine months while also needing to parent my toddler full-time. I would be prescribed two more medications after more tearful appointments and phone calls. I never lost weight, I was never diagnosed with hyperemesis gravidarum, but I took half a dozen pills daily while still vomiting multiple times a week, and ended up seeing a counselor and psychiatrist to make sure I didn’t lose my mind. Being told I was not sick enough to warrant any diagnosis and having to re-explain at every appointment how ill and miserable I was took me to the edge of depression and sanity.

What I know now is that there is a self-test for hyperemesis gravidarum thanks to the HER Foundation.

And I know, thanks to their research, that I was not alone in my symptoms, and that my psychological hardship was not because I was weak or overreacting, but that it is a commonly reported outcome of severe sickness during pregnancy. Just the knowledge alone of my condition, even when undocumented and unrecognized by my providers, has helped me embrace the hardship as part of my pregnancy story rather than berate myself for failing to be that glowing pregnant woman I thought I could be.

One of the crazier aspects of this is that nine months of sickness does not affect the baby's health. I have had two healthy, plump babies. The very moment after giving birth, all the nausea dissipated. I sat down on the bed to hold my newborn, and was returned entirely to myself. 

– Maddy